Once your baby bump starts to show, and it’s obvious you’re pregnant, it’s funny how people – even strangers – feel entitled (perhaps obliged?) to make some comment or other to do with the way you’re carrying / the impending birth / how it all happened in the first place.
We know of course that, most of the time, people are just trying to be friendly and acknowledge the fact that you’re expecting.
So we’re really not having a go at all; we’re just noting that some of those regularly rolled-out phrases can bit a teensy bit funny. Like…
1. You look like you’re about to pop
Well, firstly, thanks for making me sound like I’m a human balloon.
Secondly, I’m probably not about to pop. If I were, I’d hope I was somewhere sensible like the hospital, or at least at home with my partner / mum and not in the office with a pile of filing to do.
2. No getting off that rollercoaster!
Hmmm? I thought I was in the freezer aisle of Sainsbury’s, not Thorpe Park.
Seriously though, if that’s your way of saying I’ve started so I’ll have to finish, I know. I was prepared for that. But thanks for the reminder.
3. You should be wearing….[insert clothing item here]
Um, really? I didn’t realise there was a set uniform for us pregnant women but I’ll bear that in mind, thanks!
4. Were you trying?
Um, well, that’s a bit personal… The answer’s probably yes but if it’s no, it’s not like I’m going to tell you, is it?
5. Who do you think it will look like?
Well, I don’t have my crystal ball WITH me but I’m thinking, Kim K, maybe, or perhaps Tom Fletcher?
6. You’re carrying all up front
OK, so where am I supposed to carry it? On my head? Or my bum? Last time I looked, “up front” is where most people’s bumps are, right?
7. Looks like a girl to me!
Unless you have X-ray specs, there is NO WAY you can tell it’s a girl, a boy or otherwise just by looking, even though you THINK you can. End of.
8. How on earth will you cope with another?
Um, well, yes, it will be trickier. But I’ll keep my fingers crossed (not that I’ll have any spare hands to do that with) that all will be OK. And plenty of other people seem to manage, no?
9. You must be getting close
Actually, it’s another 3 months till my due date. But I didn’t think my bump was that big. Until now…
10. Are you sure you should be wearing those shoes?
They are my shoes. Whose shoes should I be wearing? Or what should I be wearing on my feet apart from shoes? Stilts? Flippers? I’m confused…
11. You look knackered
Thanks very much. I’m kind of busy making a human being which might explain it. But I feel loads better now that you’ve told me.
12. I bet your hormones are all over the place
Yes, they are. I have a couple of hundred in Spain, a few more in Italy and one’s just popped to Hawaii… Nope, actually, I think they’re pretty much where they should be but cheers for bringing it up…