7 things my 4-year-old told me about school that I just don’t believe

'There's a girl in my class called Lasagne.' And other school tales that make me go hmmm...

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When it comes to my 5-year-old daughter’s school day,  I try to glean whatever information I can about how things have gone. 

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She usually responds with a positive but rather unrevealing “Good”. When I ask what she did, she’ll say, “Nothing.” She might offer a snippet on what she had for lunch but there’s not normally much else to go on.

Over the past  couple of days, though, I found out a few new bits and bobs – which I thought I’d share. Though I’m not sure what to make of them…

* Names have been changed because, quite frankly, I can’t believe a word my Little Pickle says…

1. Mrs P’s a ‘battleaxe’

Mrs P is Bodhi Rae’s teacher and, from what I can see, she as far from being a battleaxe as can be. She’s so only one step removed from being Mary Poppins crossed with Snow White, it’s kind of sickening.

She’s the teacher Bodhi Rae will remember for the rest of her life. Oh, and I have no idea how on earth my daughter’s come to know the word battleaxe – I blame Horrid Henry

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2. Lucy R won the super star trophy again

I’ve actually lost count of the times Bodhi Rae’s told me that Lucy R won the super star trophy. Someone wins every day but, according to my little one, it was Lucy R every day last week.

Lucy R goes to breakfast club and is a very sweet girl but no one can be that good can they? If it’s true, it’s a bit rubbish and they need to share the praise a bit more. But that is a big if…

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3. I DO always need the toilet when it’s tidy-up time

Now whenever Bodhi Rae gets a time out at school it’s usually for this very reason: she says she needs the toilet at tidy-up time. Like, every day. Hmmmm, I wonder.

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4. I’ve had a magic feather in my desk since I started school

Now, I know this isn’t true because nothing Bodhi Rae has ever owned has stayed in the same place for more than about 3 minutes, let alone 8 weeks. Though the magic bit is entirely possible – or, at least, a lot more likely.

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5. Cody and Cody are my best friends

It’s not that I find it that much of a surprise that there are two kids with the same name in a class, or that Bodhi Rae seems to have boy mates more than girl mates.

But the odds of having two boys as best friends who share the same name strikes me as, let’s just say, surprising. 

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6. There’s a girl in my class called Lasagne

Baffling as it may sound this is the one fact Bodhi Rae has been consistent about since she started in Reception, and she pronounces it, “Lasarrrggghnyaaaa”.

I’m pretty sure this is a mix-up, though, when she does bring it up I have to resist the urge to ask how Penne and Tagliatelle are doing….

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7. You’re not allowed to wear gloves outside

Making sure Bodhi Rae is wrapped up for the January weather is something of an obsession of mine, probably because, when it comes to my own clothes, I’m as impractical as a chocolate teapot.

My winter wardrobe is basically my summer wardrobe with the addition of a snood and a pair of socks. 

So, imagine my shock when, as I lovingly popped a glove into each of her coat pockets, she told me, “We’re not allowed to wear gloves outside, Mummy.” At playtime, surely? “No, we’re not allowed to wear gloves at playtime.”

Either this is another little, er, misunderstanding (I think it could just be) or I’ll be giving OFSTED a call pronto…

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