New baby sleep wars – who’s winning in your bedroom?

It’s a competition of torturous proportions. Which new parent is the most sleep deprived? But hey, says Olivia Siegl, we all know the answer to that one…

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So you’re a new mum or a mum again. You’re feeding on demand morning, noon and night. You feel like you haven’t slept for months (because you bloody well haven’t) and after crawling back into bed at 6am after a particularly bad night, mumbling tearfully how tired you are, you are greeted with the “supportive” words from your partner: “Oh tell me about it, me too!”

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 ME TOO?  ARE YOU F$%*ING KIDDING ME? You go to scream but then your Tiny Human beats you to it and before you know it you and your knackered mummy ass (NOT HIS) are back from underneath that gloriously warm duvet (where your partner has been residing for the last 12 hours) making your way to the battlefront of the nursery to shove a nipple, bottle or finger into the mouth of your newborn, in the hope you will finally get to see more than 30 minutes of uninterrupted sleep.

For the love of God, no one is as tired as you right now and certainly not your partner, so why does he keep saying he is? Is he mental? Is he trying to meet an early grave?

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Who the hell knows. However, one thing I am sure of, is that when you become parents, the matter of sleep is turned into a competition of Olympic proportions.  All of a sudden you and your partner are competing in the Sleep Hunger Games baying for each other’s snores and trying to prove you have had the least amount of sleep or feel the most tired. 

After a hard day at the cold front of motherhood on less than 2 hours sleep, we are met with our partners also proclaiming to be suffering from this new parent fatigue. That they have also not had more than two hours of sleep and that they too cannot wait to have an unbroken night…

“REALLY Darling…you didn’t get any sleep last night?!  Oh, silly me I didn’t realise you SNORED whilst AWAKE!”

“Oh and yes I remember you stirred momentarily during the 6th time our child awoke screaming blue murder darling, but it was to ask me to turn down the frigging monitor!”

Ladies, lets face it, despite all of our efforts to answer the beck and call of our Tiny Humans throughout all ungodly hours of the night and regardless of the number of months we have gone without sleep, you can always guarantee that the one person who has less sleep than you is your bloody other half!

I am trying my hardest not to let this little battle of sleep get out of hand and under my skin. I am trying to be the bigger person and not get all competitive about it. I am trying to be understanding that a baby crying in the next room can also disturb a sleeping partner and I’m desperately trying to bite my tongue to stop any arsenic-laced retort in its knackered tracks.

I tried and failed as I am too GOD DAMN TIRED.  Therefore, all I have left to say is:

“Darling….if you do want to make it a competition then BRING IT ON BAD BOY as I WILL win everytime!  You ARE NOT AS TIRED AS ME AND YOU HAVE NOT HAD AS LITTLE SLEEP.  I WIN. I WIN. I WIN.  I AM THE QUEEN OF SLEEPLESS NIGHTS. END OF!”

Sleep tight x (Oh sorry, you already are!)

  • Olivia writes The Baby Bible blog, and is leading The No Bullsh*t Mum Revolution – a ‘new movement in Motherhood’ supporting all mums with no judgement. 
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