I’ve had two miscarriages and am pregnant again. How can I relax and enjoy the pregnancy?

Therapist Lesley Steyn answers this common question


Q: I’ve had two miscarriages and am now 20 weeks pregnant with my third baby. Even though things are going well, I can’t seem to relax and accept that this pregnancy will work out fine. Can you help?

Lesley: Miscarriages are common in early pregnancy and yet they leave feelings of shock and guilt. It’s natural to wonder if you did something wrong – even if rationally you know that you’re not responsible.


Although you’re glad to be pregnant again, you’re atill grieving the loss of your other babies and it’s important to accept this.

To look forward to the future with confidence, you need to allow yourself to mourn. You may worry that allowing sad feelings will spoil the happy ones, but in fact the opposite is the case.


It is grief that you keep inside which causes the worst trouble in the long run. Sharing your sadness with your partner and perhaps other women who have been through a miscarriage will free you up to feel more hope and joy in your next baby

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