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06/12/2012 at 07:48
Apologies for such a serious subject so early in the morning!!!
I'm not going to go into huge detail on an open forum but i wondered if anyone had any experience/ideas about how to get someone with a drink problem help. Especially if that person doesn't know/think they have a problem and doesn't want help??
Also if you knew that said person regularly drove after having been drinking would you report them to the police in they hope they'd get pulled over?! I don't feel like i can live with it on my conscious should said person hit someone or cause an accident.
I'm off out to swimming in a minute but will be checking back on and off.
06/12/2012 at 08:04
I have no experience so can't really help but the driving bit I would probably confront them an then if they didn't stop I would report them- I would struggle with my conscience too if the worst were to happen
06/12/2012 at 08:14
Said person has been confronted over and over again. I've kept my nose out for years but it is a close member of H's family and someone who spends a lot of time around P. Although they are very good at covering it up i'm just not prepared to risk her being exposed to any of the situation.
I don't even know what would happen if i did report them. Would they just be pulled over should a police car see them out and about?
It's a very difficult situation.
06/12/2012 at 08:48
I don't think you can get them help until they want it... With regards to the driving I would definitely report it to the police esp as it is habitual drink driving.
06/12/2012 at 11:51
It's so hard though because what if they never want help or think they have a problem?! Then does it just carry on forever?
06/12/2012 at 12:11
I used to work with someone who was an alcoholic. Unfortunately, you can't help them unless they want to help themselves. Its an addiction and they need to decide to stop - or to be forced to look at stopping. Some people can cover it very well - the person I am thinking of used to go and drink a couple of large glasses of wine every lunch time, so the best part of a bottle (and never ate much and was physically very small) and also had some near her desk. But I think that some people weren't even aware that she had a problem.
She wouldn't be aware that, even when we were all in the pub together, she was drinking about 5 times as fast as everyone else. The person eventually behaved unprofessionally at work and was asked to seek medical help. In many jobs she'd have just been given the push, which probably wouldn't have solved the problem. I think that she did get better, but whether that's worked long term, I don't know as I know she'd had problems with alcohol for years on and off.
06/12/2012 at 12:29
Ar they can only get help If they specifically request it, we used to refer them to the alcohol team in the community but now we have to ask and if they refuse then so be it. Which is a shame. Could you tell them there's community programmes available via the gp.
06/12/2012 at 12:31
Thanks Cedar. This person is extremely good at hiding it, no one outside the immediate family knows about the problem. And despite knowing my H for 11 years i probably wouldn't know either unless i'd been told and knew what went on behind the scenes. One of the reasons i think reporting said person to the police might be good is (besides being incredibly dangerous obviously!) perhaps if she was caught she would be forced to get help.
06/12/2012 at 12:32
My Uncle died from alcohol abuse last year and he never admitted he had a problem even when he was admitted to have the fluid drained from his stomach twice and put on special diets and drugs. He thought he didn't drink much but he had got to the point that any alcohol was dangerous and he just didn't think it would happen to him. He was 55.
You can't get them help until they want it xx
06/12/2012 at 12:37
Thanks CP. It's my MIL i'm talking about, and i know FIL has tried to get her to see the GP previously. It has been a problem on and off for years and supposedly under control. There was an incident last night which escalated from an argument between her and FIL, because she was drunk. P's name was mentioned in the argument apparently which has me fuming as i don't want her exposed to any part of it. It also transpires she had already started drinking yesterday afternoon, and P was alone with her for about half an hour in this time. I cannot describe how physically sick this makes me feel. I have let a lot slide in the past and kept my nose out but i will not have P involved in any way shape or form, and if that means her not seeing P then so be it. H told FIl this last night, who said us keeping P away from her would make things worse?! Or maybe it'll force her to get help. Like i say, no one would ever know if you met her!!!
06/12/2012 at 12:41
Won't go into personal experiences here but really recommend
Promise me you'll take a look when you've 5 mins. Huge sympathy, it's an incredibly hard situation.
06/12/2012 at 12:46
Well, I think my rule would be that she couldn't see P on her own. As you can't be certain that she's safe to be there.
I wouldn't be afraid to tell my MIL that I couldn't allow her to be alone with my child in those circumstances. But every family is different and I know there are family pressures/loyalties here.
06/12/2012 at 12:47
Thank you Beez, i will definitely have a look.
06/12/2012 at 12:50
Thanks Cedar. H and his brother are going to go and talk to her together tomorrow evening. H is going to tell her that she can no longer have P by herself. I can already predict the consequences of that unfortunately.
06/12/2012 at 13:05
As others have said, help will only work if they seek it themselves.
As for "dobbing" them in, hell yes i'd do it. If there was a time I was there and they got into a car under the influence, i'd report them.
What you can do now? I think the only thing is to say P can't be there without you or your H. If you're there and she's drunk, she can't pick her up, or you have to leave. Hard for you to do, but could be the breaking point of it all.
06/12/2012 at 14:32
Firstly yes I have reported someone, a complete stranger, he walked into the co-op, brought a bottle of Vodka, went to his car, emptied the bottle of Vodka into an empty water bottle, drank half the bottle then turned his engine on, i took his number plate as he drove off. In my experience, alcoholics will blame everyone else and wont take responsibility. Stopping her from seeing P alone is a good idea as its the safest thing. But beware to be made out to be the bad pers on, alcoholics are very good at playing the victim. Talk to your H and come up with a plan together. Really hope it works out ok.
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