10 thoughts all parents have on Christmas morning

Just what goes through our minds on that big day of love, forgiveness and charity

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It can’t be waking up time yet?

The agreed waking up time was definitely NOT 5am. God, did we really finish that second bottle last night? Whose turn is it to get them back to bedzzzz?

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Quick, take a nibble of the cookie!

Doh! Forgot to do it last night, but there’s still time to make the magic work if we can just beat them downstairs.

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Frozen again?!

What about all those other great TV shows on right now?

Damn, we should have hidden it.

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When is it acceptable to start drinking?

If we put orange juice in our bubbly, then is it a suitable breakfast drink? Sod it, pass the gin.

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Where are the batteries?

I thought you were buying them? No?! OK, you’ll need to go to the 24-hour supermarket. Yes, I know it’s Christmas Day.

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Who designed the packaging on this toy?!

If it requires scissors, a screwdriver and a degree in engineering to open, then it’s going to be the ONE toy that has to be opened NOW. It will end in tears – and not just theirs.

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How many chocolates will it take to ruin Christmas dinner?

Why do all Advent Calendars now have to contain chocolate – isn’t opening a door to see a picture enough? And why didn’t we hang the Christmas tree chocolates higher up the tree? And why did we leave the chocolate orange out? And why can’t I eat a diet of chocolate today too…

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Hang on! Who gave you that?

It’s a paper-ripping frenzy. It’s a race to open up every one of those carefully packaged presents as fast as possible. They couldn’t care less who it was from. The thank you letters are going to be guesswork.

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Look, this is the toy – that’s just the box

That hard-to-find toy sitting there in all its glory, ignored and cast aside. And what for? Its BOX.

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It was all worth it

The weeks of planning, shopping and hair-tearing were all worth it. Just to see the look on their faces.

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