Who else could kick off a year of hilarious quotes better than Lily Allen. After the birth of her first daughter Ethel Mary, Lily tweeted, “I left the house without breast pads and started leaking all over myself.” Breasts are “not just #sexyfunbags, they be feeding implements, too,” added Lily.
In January, Tori Spelling kicked off a trend for monthly birthday celebrations, tweeting her joy that daughter Hattie had reached her “3 month birthday.” We feared this would be a trend that would catch on, and we were right to worry. Celeb-ville took well to this trend, and we’ve seen it happen over and over again. Bank accounts be afraid!
Brooklyn Beckham made a somewhat awkward English/American mix-up earlier this year. When he asked his dad David for “some rubbers”, David’s American friends thought he was after something slightly ruder than an eraser. We hope mini-Becks has got that one all straightened out!
Una Healy got herself worked up with a rather poor choice of pre-labour telly. The mum-to-be tweeted, “Watching one born every minute! Now watching Knocked up….!” Not sure we’d recommend that, or these movie labour scenes either, Una.
In February, Peter Andre revealed his wishes for daughter Princess Tiaamii to be a nun. “I interviewed a nun once and I asked her how you have to be to become a nun. She said, ‘I think your daughter’s slightly too young, however, we do have youngish students’. And I said, ‘Oh really? How old?’ She said, ‘About 13.’ I went, ‘Oh, by that stage my daughter is not going to listen to me. ‘Can we not do it now?’ I asked. ‘No I’m afraid not,’ she said.” Ah well, better luck next time, ah Pete?
We bargain Sophie Ellis Bextor struck a cord with many parents earlier this year when she revealed what’s clogging up her TV. “I just discovered I have 217 Peppa Pig episodes in my Sky box #carefulwhatyouputonserieslink”.
While Chantelle Houghton was pregnant Alex Reid explained why he was really rather keen to try breast milk. Alex told New! magazine, “I definitely will! 100% Breast milk has a lot of colostrum in it, which is great for athletes.” Whatever you say, Alex.
Amanda Holden was left red faced after she fell foul of a Simon Cowell prank. During filming of Britain’s Got Talent Amanda congratulated a contestant on being pregnant after Simon whispered the news to her. It turned out she wasn’t pregnant at all. “I was so embarrassed,” Amanda confessed.
Hide and don’t seek
Yummy mummy Jessica Alba admitted to using a scarf to hide all manner of baby-related mishaps. “I wear scarves because if my baby has an accident – and I’m holding the baby – I can cover that accident up! So I’m not walking around with a big puke stain or poo stain on my shirt!”
Una Healy made sure to let fellow new-mum Michelle Heaton know when she had her first experience of a nappy explosion. Michelle tweeted back, “Next time send a photo.” On your own there, Michelle!
Hilary Duff has been keeping a rather odd secret from her hubby Mike Comrie – she’s kept Luca’s belly button. Hilary told People magazine, “My husband was like, ‘No, that’s gross, you can’t keep it!’ I’m like, ‘I’m totally keeping it,’ and I secretly kept it. It’s in a ziplock bag in the back of my makeup drawer,” Hilary confessed. Er, think your secret is out, Hils!
Alyson Hannigan’s 3-year-old took a swipe at her confidence while pregnant for the second time. Her eldest Satyana said, “Mommy, you look like a big, huggable mermaid!” Alison tweeted, “I guess that’s a good thing to a 3-year-old!”
“If I was going to be squeezing a baby through my body, I would just want to be in the best shape of my life,” Cameron Diaz revealed. You go, girl!
Over and out
Radio DJ Chris Evans kept things simple when announcing his wife was in labour. He told his fans on Twitter, “On the way to baby drop.” It wasn’t quite as simple for Chris to get there though, having to hop in a helicopter to get to the birth in time.
Charlize Theron shared her favourite book to read baby Jackson at nighttime – Go the f*** to sleep. You may gasp in horror, but we rather love her justification, “This book was good for me because it made me realise that I don’t need to judge myself right now.”
Doing a ‘Peter’
Dads really do love to keep their ducks in a row, huh? Will Smith shared his nervousness of daughter Willow dating. “It’s coming, and I’m nervous about it. Having two boys and a girl, I realise that boys take trouble to other people’s houses and girls bring it home. When Willow does bring a boy home, I’m going to screen him and find out everything about him. And that’s going to happen when she’s 40, when she’s allowed to go on dates!” Good luck with that, Will!
Eva Longoria risked having her godmother duty whipped away from her after she came up with a rather unflattering nickname for Harper Beckham. “She is awesome, beautiful. She’s a chunky monkey!” Tut, tut, Eva.
Belly button bother
Vanessa Lachey was keeping an eye on one part of her body changing during her pregnancy – her belly button! Vanessa said, “I wouldn’t mind if my belly button popped because then it would be like the turkey’s done, right?”
Parents’ evening blunder
Amanda Holden was left a bit red-faced at daughter Lexi’s parents’ evening. “Just done parents/teachers meeting with pureed sweet potato stuck to my eyebrow #god I’m glamorous!”
Actor Tom Hardy had a bit of an ‘oops moment’ when he became a new dad. Tom said, “I managed to survive my whole life without getting kicked in the testicles. And then one day I was changing the nappy of my son. I put him on his back and he was moving his feet about. I was like ‘come on’, and he brought his heels down – clipped the top of my left testicle. It took me to the “f***ing floor, man!”
Britney’s got the X Factor
Britney Spears revealed that her sons didn’t quite understand her job on the US X Factor. Britney said, “They try to figure out where I go when I go to the X Factor, they’re like, ‘Mummy’s going off to be a superhero’.”
Wet, wet, wet…
Stacey Solomon was quick to point out to us the ‘dangers’ of being a mum. “I’m always getting weed on! Leighton just loves being naked!”
Songstress Mariah Carey isn’t one to be found at the changing table. Hubby Nick Cannon said, “I am not scared of it. I go in, I put the gloves on. Real men change diapers!” We weren’t aware real men used gloves Nick, but at least he’s doing it, huh?!
There’s some things about pregnancy Sienna Miller just can’t get her head around – eyeballs. “It’s the most surreal thing that you can create, that I grew this life inside my stomach, her eyeballs, everything – every little fibre.”
Royal baby news
How could we end on anything but news of the royal baby? Clarence House took to Twitter for the first time in royal history to confirm news of a royal’s pregnancy. Even David Cameron joined in on Twitter. “I’m delighted by the news that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting a baby. They will make wonderful parents,” the PM tweeted.